


Comedy Night in Night Vale

by SpiffyWordPlay



Category: Welcome to Night Vale, wtnv
Genre: Comedy, M/M, One Shot, WTF, i don't know really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 06:19:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1116510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiffyWordPlay/pseuds/SpiffyWordPlay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil wants to show everyone his funny side at the Community College's Comedy night, but can't seem to get the courage to do so.. And when Carlos helps him finally go on stage, Cecil's joke isn't exactly... Well... Let's just say, 'Poor Cecil.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comedy Night in Night Vale

Cecil had been thinking about it for the past couple days. It being the stand-up comedy show the Night Vale Community College was hosting, and days meaning not necessarily a whole 48 hours (47 hours and 12 minutes, Carlos would have reminded him- you know, it's science!), but more like.. A few hours. Ever since the last minute press release the previous night, Cecil had been pondering the different jokes he could tell. Something comical, of course. Maybe something cliche. He would have to see when the time came. 

The time seemed to fly, though not literally, just in the sense that things seemed to go by rather quickly. No one threw a clock, and the minuscule amount of existence he had didn't actually waste away any quicker than normal. Cecil was simply just excited. He loved jokes, but most importantly, he loved his boyfriend. Who, of course was going to be there. Cecil was making him.

They were going to meet at the Community College at 7; after Cecil's show. And, as usual, Carlos was late. When he showed up, he would probably blame it on a test going wrong, or time being nonexistent or whatever. Cecil really didn't mind. Carlos tried, he was just not good with keeping up with things; his boyfriend was adorable. 

The man went ahead and found a table for the two of them inside the big auditorium-like building. The auditorium had separate round tables, candles on each of them. The lights were dim, except one, horribly bright light focused on the center of the stage where a microphone was set up.

Looking around, Cecil saw many of the residents he loved and adored. And they all saw him back. Watching, and blinking, small smiles drawing up on their warm faces, pleased. Cecil smiled back, and tucked himself into one of the tables. 

The room was quiet until a smooth, fist sized river rock, that they recognized as Sarah Sultana, was thrown in front. She did not move. She did not speak. Soon afterwards, a young man in a black jacket and khaki pants walked over and picked up the smooth, fist sized river rock and walked backstage. Everyone in the auditorium began to clap out of either confusion or politeness. 

Carlos suddenly slipped in through the front door. He was moving quietly to avoid any attention. Looking over the crowd, he spotted Cecil and sat down next to him. He didn't give an excuse; just sat. Giving the blond beside him a small grin.

The first comedian stood up and began to take the stage. It was Jeremy Godfried. Carlos remembered him from the time he was almost killed by a large army of miniature people at the Desert Flower bowling alley . No one could forget a man who pouted that much on his birthday.

Jeremy got onto the stage and took the mic. He started out with a real knee slapper, which made everyone chuckle. Everyone but Cecil, who looked extremely nervous. Carlos turned to his boyfriend and tried to comfort him.

"You'll be fine." He said assuringly, "You go on the radio all the time and everyone loves it." 

Carlos smiled comfortingly at Cecil, and Cecil tried reassuring him by returning a smile. Unfortunately, his fear was still obvious and the smile looked forced, which it was. Cecil could see the doubt in his partner's perfect face. 

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm just not used to performing in front of like, actual people." 

Before Carlos could reply, the sound of applause filled the room as Jeremy Godfried began exiting the stage. The smooth, fist sized river rock was tossed back on the stage in front of the microphone. This time fishing wire was tied tightly around her. After several seconds of silence, she was pulled backstage. It seemed that Sarah was to be the MC for the night.

No one got up for several moments. Then, with a stroke of genius, Carlos went up to the stand. Cecil was surprised. Carlos never told him he would go up, and despite his overall perfection of body and mind, Cecil never knew Carlos to be the funny type.

Carlos cleared his throat before introducing himself to the audience. Hearing his soft yet masculine voice was already enough to win the audience, but then he decided to tell a joke. 

"So, I am glad to be here. This college is the l best we have here in Night Vale.... Speaking of college, I had this roommate once, and he was majoring in chemistry. He also had this cat, Scruffles; he was the biggest cat I had ever seen. Unfortunately, he was pretty slow, I guess, and one day he got hit by a bus! Being a chemist, the only thing my friend could do was barium." 

Silence filled the auditorium except for a few chuckles from the select individuals that got his joke. Cecil looked up at his boyfriend in horror.

After the few awkward chuckles, and dispersed clapping, Carlos decided he should sit down. With a nervous, yet charming smile, he ran his fingers through his perfect hair, mumbled a quick, "Thanks.." and went back to sit with his boyfriend. Cecil stared at the other man, moving his hand away when Carlos went to hold it. Carlos gave Cecil an odd look in return, raising one of his thick eyebrows. "What's wrong?"

"Scruffles.. He.. Died? Carlos. That's horrible. Are you sure it didn't live on? Live with the rest of it's eight, terrestrial lives?" Cecil asked, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. 

Carlos chuckled softly, grabbing his hand. "It was a joke, mi arena rosa," he rubbed his thumb against the back of the blond's hand comfortingly. "I did have a chemist friend in college.. But he didn't have a cat. We couldn't have cats in the dorms, querido.." Cecil still looked confused, and somewhat horrified. Carlos sighed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "For the joke... You know, barium...?" 

Cecil gaped at him like a fish, still completely confused. Though, he would pretend to understand. For Carlos. And anyway, his boyfriend was a scientist, so that kind of made him a scientist too. "Oh.. Yeah.. Hah.. Hah.. Very nice! A classic!" 

Carlos grinned, rolling his eyes. Cecil was such a dork.

Next up went a representative for Marcus Vansten. He couldn't go himself, of course. He was too rich and busy with more important affairs. Like swimming in all the ripped out pages from the books he owned in the library. Instead, a meek, freckled individual went on stage, holding a note written by the greatest man in Night Vale himself.

The slight looking woman cleared her throat, and said in Marcus' exact pompous and booming voice, "Hey. Marcus Vansten. Vote for me, will you? I should be mayor, you know. I would be a good one. I think you should. Vote for me, I mean. Or whatever. Do what you want. You can probably laugh now."

The entire audience laughed, except Carlos, who just looked around, completely confused. A lot of things did not make sense in this town, but Carlos was quickly learning to just go along with the system. 

The representative quietly left the stage right before Sarah, who now had a note card tied on her along with the fishing wire, reentered to introduce the next guest. From out of the shadows came the vile Steve Carlsburg. Cecil sneered in his general direction as the man went to pick up the rock.

"How dare he handle a woman so callously," Cecil muttered to himself.

The nasty bastard then read the note in his best (and terrible) rock impression; "Wow, isn't that Marcus Vansten great? Now let's go on to our next randomly selected citizen from the raffle. Mr. Steven Carlsburg! Oh hey, that's me!" He chuckled in his raspy, squeaky voice.

Steve began doing what scientists can only assume to be warming up. He cracked his knuckles and tried relaxing his shoulders. It was pretty disturbing, and some less discipline minded people had to leave. 

"Hello folks, I hope y'all are having a fine evening... I know I am! So I was wondering, what's the deal with StrexCorp these days? It's like you can't take a stroll through town without having to duck from one of those blasted yellow helicopters, am I right?" He asked, chuckling in amusement.

"It's better than running into you, 'cause there's no place to hide!" shouted former Mayor Pamela Winchell who was in the back eating pretzels.

The audience, Cecil especially, laughed at her heckling and Steve's face turned red. When they quieted down, Steve returned to his reckless ranting about StrexCorp until several StrexCorp agents disguised as functional trash cans and water fountains came out and began beating him, and anyone who laughed at his jokes, in front of the entire audience. It was the highlight of the evening until Steve was dragged out of the building by his toes.

Carlos watched Steve and the few people in the audience get dragged out, his eyes wide in horror. StrexCorp.. They really needed to do something about them. He looked at his boyfriend and squeezed his hand. Cecil was grinning, and resting his chin in the palm of his hand.

Carlos pressed a quick kiss to his temple, "Are you going to go, amor?" 

The smile left Cecil's face, and he looked down at the table. "I guess I could go. I mean..." He gave his boyfriend a queasy smile. "Let's let someone else go first, yeah?

Carlos nodded in agreement. "I'm sure you'll be amazing."

A few more people came up and told jokes. The parents of Megan, the girl who is a man's hand, had the house laughing with a joke about having a foot as a child. "I mean, who would have a foot for a child," they laughed in unison, hands clutching their bellies. 

Soon after, Cecil knew it was his turn to go up. All of the jokes he had thought up and read on the Internet completely left him. He had to go solely on his wit and charm. When Carlos went up, it was different. Carlos was beautiful. Everyone thought so. The man was perfect. Sure, everyone in town adored Cecil. But they also expected a lot from him.

Once Sarah introduced him (by being rolled across the stage, and into one of the college's sleeping botanists), Cecil got on stage, shifting from heel to heel. Carlos waved at him in the audience with that breath taking smile of his. Cecil's face went red.

"Uh. Thanks, Sarah.." He cleared his throat, searching for something to say.. There was some thing.. About bars. And horses. Everyone was staring at him now. He starting sweating nervously. Better wing it. 

"So, a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender is confused. The horse is also confused.. Confused and afraid, because they're both dying. We're all dying..." He chuckled nervously, and so did the audience. It was soft, quiet laughter. Even Carlos smiled.

Cecil continued with another one. 

"So, a horse walks into a bar, and it's a strange occurrence to the bartender and the occupants, but completely meaningless. We're all meaningless. Time is vast. There is no true meaning. Horses will vanish, and so will bars and bar occupants, and we're not sure about bartenders.." He grinned. The audience's laughter grew louder, egging Cecil on. 

Pamela threw a pretzel up at the stage, chortling. "Tell another one!"

Giggling to himself, Cecil came up with something else. "So, a horse walks into the void this time and h-" 

Cecil's joke was cut off by a high pitched squeal from the microphone. He dropped the mic, covering his ears. A few people in the audience screamed. 

Soon the screeching stopped, and a loud voice boomed over the intercom system, "Bartenders do not exist. Please disregard everything you just heard. We apologize. Cecil Palmer, please report for re-education." 

Cecil laughed, nervously. "So.. Uh.. That Steve Carlsberg, huh...? Hah... Hah..."

**Author's Note:**

> (Thanks for reading! This one I wrote with my good pal, Tim! Hopefully we'll get to write some more very, very strange adventures together in the future!)


End file.
